Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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