my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
