my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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