Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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