Just cropdusted the office
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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