Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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