He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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