ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have feelings that need drinking.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
