The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
