I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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