if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
