so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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