i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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