I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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