no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
