I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
