please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
