just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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