about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
