I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
