Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
