Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
