I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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