We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
