I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
