But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
