i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
