I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
