Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
