So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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