Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
