Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
