Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
