I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
