Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
