pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
