and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
