so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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