I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
