come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
