Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
