P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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