I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
