I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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