I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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