just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
