my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
