Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
