I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
