Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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