I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
