Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
