My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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