I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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