HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
